Chances (Critique Essay) HeyJude
Settings:
Union City, California. House. Flower Shop. School. Hospital.
In Union City, California, there is a 17-years old high school student named Avery. She is beautiful, her hair is long and blonde. She has blue eyes, white and firm skin. She has sharp nose, her lips are kissable red as an apple. She has also had rosy cheeks and has a tiny mole on part of her chin. Fourteen years ago, when Avery was only three years old and a cute little child, her mother named Amanda abandoned her together with her father who named Richard. Richard raised Avery and he took the responsibilities when Amanda’s left them. Amanda left them because she needs to work in other country. Richard is a manager of an exclusive Restaurant somewhere in California. Richard took the place of being mother since Amanda left them. As a father of a lovely child like Avery, he needs to be strict sometimes to her. Richard never lacks on the needs of his lovely daughter. He always gives the needs and wants of a teenager like his daughter. They really love each other, father and daughter relationship.
The story begins in one evening of September when Avery was doing something on her bed before she goes to sleep, with no particular reason Avery looked over at the radio, all she can hear is only static and she decided to switch it off. Her father came to her room to check if she is still awake. Richard kissed the forehead of Avery. The next day, early in the morning Avery woke up. She went to a flower shop to buy a surprised gift for her father. She bought a bouquet of beautiful red roses for her lovely father. All of a sudden, while walking someone’s called her
name. She followed the voice call. She saw a pretty woman. She asked the woman if she knows her. All of a sudden the pretty woman begins to cry without particular reason. “You already grew up Avery” said pretty woman. The pretty woman acts so strange on Avery. Avery doesn’t have any idea why this pretty woman is crying in front of her. “Avery is that you?” the pretty woman asked Avery. “I’m so happy to see you again” she added. Avery starts questioning the pretty woman, “Sorry ma’am, do I know you?” The pretty woman keeps on crying. “Do you know my father?” Avery asked the pretty woman. “Yes I know him very well” she replied. Avery invited her to come with her to their house so she can visit her father. But the pretty woman refused to come with her. Avery now finally asked the name of the pretty woman, “By the way ma’am, what’s your name?” the pretty woman answered “I’m Annie, you can call me Annie”. Avery finally went home after that strangeness happened to her at the flower shop. Avery prepared surprise birthday presentation for her father at home. She switched off the lights of their home and waited for her father to arrive. After almost an hour of waiting, Avery heard a car that was coming outside their house and she was very excited because she knows that it’s her father. Richard finally arrived at their home but he was confused because it’s too dark inside their home. Richard starts shouting “Avery, are you home? Daddy’s here”. Avery appeared in surprise and gave the bouquet of beautiful red roses to her father and greeted him “Happy Birthday Daddy”.
Richard was totally surprised of what Avery did to him. They celebrated the day with full of happiness. While Avery washing the dishes, she remembered the woman she met earlier in the morning at the flower shop. “Dad, I met a woman at the flower shop and she said that she knows you very well, her name was Annie”. Richard was thinking who that Annie is. While thinking, one name comes into his mind, Amanda. “You know Dad, she acts so strange, she cried in front of me and
told me that I grew up already” Avery said. Richard was thinking so deep “Amanda’s here, but why she didn’t tell me that she’s coming back?” After their conversations about Annie (Amanda), Avery goes to her room and sleep. Richard was thinking all night about Amanda, until Avery was knocking on his room and asked him if he is awake, because Avery’s late in school. It was already morning, Richard didn’t notice. He had now a problem “How can I tell to Avery that the woman she was talking to was her mother, Amanda?”
While in school, Avery was still thinking the woman she met “Why I have this strange feeling about that woman?” Avery questioned herself. Avery’s thinking so deep. Her classmate Casey arrived and tapped her on her shoulder. Avery went home early after her class. She saw Annie inside their house talking to her father. Avery doesn’t have any idea what they are talking about. Her father talked to her and tries to explain to her everything. Avery was shocked and surprised on the revelations that her father made. Annie was her mother and Amanda is her real name. Avery was so mad on both of them. In the next morning, an accident happened to his father. Richard was hospitalized because of the car accident.
Avery rush to go to the hospital where her father checked in. She saw Amanda standing outside the room of her father. The doctor told them that Richard is now away from the danger, Avery’s father is fine. Avery say sorry to her father and her mother Amanda. They hugged each other and then they became a happy family.
Characters:
Avery – daughter
Richard – Father
Amanda/Annie – Mother
Casey – Friend of Avery
Neighbor – Neighbor in a hurry
The main character of the story is Avery, 17 years old high school student who really loves her father that raised her until the day she met finally her mother that abandoned them for so how many years. The main character Avery is a teenager, she portrayed the usually characteristics of being a teenager. I think the main character involved with an internal conflict, because Avery the main character deals with the problems of how she can accept the truth she found out. Avery was dealing on how she can accept her mother in spite of the lies and how she can give forgiveness for her mother. The main character deals in a difficult situation that needs to decide and to accept. Other characters in the story made and helped the main character to decide on the situation they are dealing with. On the first part of the story, the author tried to illustrate the personality and even the physical looks of the main character same as the other characters. The author created a character that maybe represents the usual problem of some teenagers. The main character at the last part of the story accepted and faced the truth she was dealing with.
Plot:
The conflict of the story starts when Avery the main character met a woman at the flower shop who named Annie (Amanda). Annie acted so strange to Avery. The conflict starts in an awkward incident. The story is some kind of interesting. The conflict becomes intensified when the main character shared her problems to other characters. The climax of the story is the time when the main character starts to understand and fix the situation that she’s dealing with. The climax is an insight
because the main character involved in a situation. The story included falling action because of the situation happened on the story that made the main character and other characters feel relieved. The story ends in a happy ending.
Point of View:
The narrator of the story is the author. The author represents an Omniscient third person point of view. Because the author created characters and didn’t include herself as one of the character. In some point, maybe the character experienced something like what happened on her short story that’s why she is too inspired to create this kind of piece. If the point of view of the author would be change maybe she will give herself a chance to put in herself to the personality of the main character or maybe she will be the main character.
Remarks:
Based on what I have read, I am happy. First of all it is because the story ends in a happy ending. I believed that the author is some kind of a family oriented. Up to the last part of the story the author shows how important the love of family especially the important of their relationship. As I read the short story, I was able to relate to the author’s want to share the deeper meaning of love of family. Even the main character was some kind of a rebel teenager, at the end she was still accepted the truth. As a reader, I like the story. The author gave me more ideas how to write and create more stories especially short stories. In terms of grammar, construction of the sentence and other structure, I don’t have any bad comment except for the wrong spelling of other words may be it’s just a typo grammatical error. Good choice of words, easy to read and easy to understand. I believe that the author can write more good short stories like this piece. I gave 95% for the author’s work. Good work, good job.
Union City, California. House. Flower Shop. School. Hospital.
In Union City, California, there is a 17-years old high school student named Avery. She is beautiful, her hair is long and blonde. She has blue eyes, white and firm skin. She has sharp nose, her lips are kissable red as an apple. She has also had rosy cheeks and has a tiny mole on part of her chin. Fourteen years ago, when Avery was only three years old and a cute little child, her mother named Amanda abandoned her together with her father who named Richard. Richard raised Avery and he took the responsibilities when Amanda’s left them. Amanda left them because she needs to work in other country. Richard is a manager of an exclusive Restaurant somewhere in California. Richard took the place of being mother since Amanda left them. As a father of a lovely child like Avery, he needs to be strict sometimes to her. Richard never lacks on the needs of his lovely daughter. He always gives the needs and wants of a teenager like his daughter. They really love each other, father and daughter relationship.
The story begins in one evening of September when Avery was doing something on her bed before she goes to sleep, with no particular reason Avery looked over at the radio, all she can hear is only static and she decided to switch it off. Her father came to her room to check if she is still awake. Richard kissed the forehead of Avery. The next day, early in the morning Avery woke up. She went to a flower shop to buy a surprised gift for her father. She bought a bouquet of beautiful red roses for her lovely father. All of a sudden, while walking someone’s called her
name. She followed the voice call. She saw a pretty woman. She asked the woman if she knows her. All of a sudden the pretty woman begins to cry without particular reason. “You already grew up Avery” said pretty woman. The pretty woman acts so strange on Avery. Avery doesn’t have any idea why this pretty woman is crying in front of her. “Avery is that you?” the pretty woman asked Avery. “I’m so happy to see you again” she added. Avery starts questioning the pretty woman, “Sorry ma’am, do I know you?” The pretty woman keeps on crying. “Do you know my father?” Avery asked the pretty woman. “Yes I know him very well” she replied. Avery invited her to come with her to their house so she can visit her father. But the pretty woman refused to come with her. Avery now finally asked the name of the pretty woman, “By the way ma’am, what’s your name?” the pretty woman answered “I’m Annie, you can call me Annie”. Avery finally went home after that strangeness happened to her at the flower shop. Avery prepared surprise birthday presentation for her father at home. She switched off the lights of their home and waited for her father to arrive. After almost an hour of waiting, Avery heard a car that was coming outside their house and she was very excited because she knows that it’s her father. Richard finally arrived at their home but he was confused because it’s too dark inside their home. Richard starts shouting “Avery, are you home? Daddy’s here”. Avery appeared in surprise and gave the bouquet of beautiful red roses to her father and greeted him “Happy Birthday Daddy”.
Richard was totally surprised of what Avery did to him. They celebrated the day with full of happiness. While Avery washing the dishes, she remembered the woman she met earlier in the morning at the flower shop. “Dad, I met a woman at the flower shop and she said that she knows you very well, her name was Annie”. Richard was thinking who that Annie is. While thinking, one name comes into his mind, Amanda. “You know Dad, she acts so strange, she cried in front of me and
told me that I grew up already” Avery said. Richard was thinking so deep “Amanda’s here, but why she didn’t tell me that she’s coming back?” After their conversations about Annie (Amanda), Avery goes to her room and sleep. Richard was thinking all night about Amanda, until Avery was knocking on his room and asked him if he is awake, because Avery’s late in school. It was already morning, Richard didn’t notice. He had now a problem “How can I tell to Avery that the woman she was talking to was her mother, Amanda?”
While in school, Avery was still thinking the woman she met “Why I have this strange feeling about that woman?” Avery questioned herself. Avery’s thinking so deep. Her classmate Casey arrived and tapped her on her shoulder. Avery went home early after her class. She saw Annie inside their house talking to her father. Avery doesn’t have any idea what they are talking about. Her father talked to her and tries to explain to her everything. Avery was shocked and surprised on the revelations that her father made. Annie was her mother and Amanda is her real name. Avery was so mad on both of them. In the next morning, an accident happened to his father. Richard was hospitalized because of the car accident.
Avery rush to go to the hospital where her father checked in. She saw Amanda standing outside the room of her father. The doctor told them that Richard is now away from the danger, Avery’s father is fine. Avery say sorry to her father and her mother Amanda. They hugged each other and then they became a happy family.
Characters:
Avery – daughter
Richard – Father
Amanda/Annie – Mother
Casey – Friend of Avery
Neighbor – Neighbor in a hurry
The main character of the story is Avery, 17 years old high school student who really loves her father that raised her until the day she met finally her mother that abandoned them for so how many years. The main character Avery is a teenager, she portrayed the usually characteristics of being a teenager. I think the main character involved with an internal conflict, because Avery the main character deals with the problems of how she can accept the truth she found out. Avery was dealing on how she can accept her mother in spite of the lies and how she can give forgiveness for her mother. The main character deals in a difficult situation that needs to decide and to accept. Other characters in the story made and helped the main character to decide on the situation they are dealing with. On the first part of the story, the author tried to illustrate the personality and even the physical looks of the main character same as the other characters. The author created a character that maybe represents the usual problem of some teenagers. The main character at the last part of the story accepted and faced the truth she was dealing with.
Plot:
The conflict of the story starts when Avery the main character met a woman at the flower shop who named Annie (Amanda). Annie acted so strange to Avery. The conflict starts in an awkward incident. The story is some kind of interesting. The conflict becomes intensified when the main character shared her problems to other characters. The climax of the story is the time when the main character starts to understand and fix the situation that she’s dealing with. The climax is an insight
because the main character involved in a situation. The story included falling action because of the situation happened on the story that made the main character and other characters feel relieved. The story ends in a happy ending.
Point of View:
The narrator of the story is the author. The author represents an Omniscient third person point of view. Because the author created characters and didn’t include herself as one of the character. In some point, maybe the character experienced something like what happened on her short story that’s why she is too inspired to create this kind of piece. If the point of view of the author would be change maybe she will give herself a chance to put in herself to the personality of the main character or maybe she will be the main character.
Remarks:
Based on what I have read, I am happy. First of all it is because the story ends in a happy ending. I believed that the author is some kind of a family oriented. Up to the last part of the story the author shows how important the love of family especially the important of their relationship. As I read the short story, I was able to relate to the author’s want to share the deeper meaning of love of family. Even the main character was some kind of a rebel teenager, at the end she was still accepted the truth. As a reader, I like the story. The author gave me more ideas how to write and create more stories especially short stories. In terms of grammar, construction of the sentence and other structure, I don’t have any bad comment except for the wrong spelling of other words may be it’s just a typo grammatical error. Good choice of words, easy to read and easy to understand. I believe that the author can write more good short stories like this piece. I gave 95% for the author’s work. Good work, good job.
CWCJ(Critique Essay)Jeremiah
In one barrio near the shore there was a humble rich man named Don Lupo who loved children, Don Lupo owns some fish pond where the children can go fishing. In the shore you can see the beauty of nature white sand, beautiful pebbles and clear water of the sea. Don Lupo let the children go fishing in the fish pond. Especially the four kids named Ana, Marie, Roy and Nicko. Don Lupo loved the children because he remembers his grandchildren in the four kids. He always asks his caretaker to cook for the children while the child goes fishing. The old man is very humble, because every weekend he didn’t harvest all the fish in his fishpond indeed he left one fish pond where can children go fishing every weekend, instead of Don Lupo he wants to call by Lolo Lupo.
Every weekend the fishpond is full of laughter, when the children is tired Don Lupo ate together with the children, Don lupo misses his children so much. He said to the children.
“I really miss my grandchildren they were in abroad before they were having vacation heren but now they were teenagers.”
On Don Lupo’s house, Don lupo is enjoying his happy stories. Don Lupo serves special food like fried tilapia, chapseuy, banana, guyabano, and dalandan fruits. The four kids want to enjoy the whole Saturdays; they want to go back near the shore. Roy asks permission to Don lupo but Don lupo said that the sea is dangerous for swimming.
Marie told don Lupo that they want to see the beauty of the sea and they will not attempt to swim nicko insisted, Don Lupo agree and warn the children. All of the sudden Roy was drowning in the sea and cast by the big waves. Ana ran quickly to Don Lupo’s house to ask help. Don Lupo’s commanded his caretaker to saved Roy. Don Lupo commanded his caretaker to save Roy, Finally Roy was saved. The children say thank you to the caretaker and realize that Don Lupo is right after that they pack things and they go home.
She is the one telling the story and she didn’t involve herself in the story. The character is great most of the dialogue doing action and has participation to make the story beautiful even it’s omniscient, the author made the characters alive until the end no sad tragedy endings. The author made Don lupo act as a humble, rich, and old man and the role of the four kids is a hardheaded so she could create a climax. If she made the four kids a good one it will make him hard to her to end the story, as I was saying the short story is direct to the point.
Don lupo’s roleis to give lesson to the four hardheaded kids; I could say that the main characters of the story is Don Lupo. Because he is the one who give fun to the children. Without the role of Don lupo there is no weekend fun. The kids were just paraphernalia to make the story more exited to read. It’s just my opinion but most of them they does an important role. The caretaker also has a great role he is the one who saved Roy from drowning he is the one who make the happy ending, if he didn’t saved Roy the end of the story is tragic. So that’s why he plays an important role.
The four hardheaded kids were also great they are the one having a weekend fun in the story, without them weekend fun is not the title of the story. When I read the story I imagined that they were an ordinary kids with young mind so they need guide and in the reality were stubborn it makes them harm. They put themselves in danger so that’s what happens to Roy in the story, Roy ignores Don Lupo’s warning but in the end he was saved, that’s what the lesson for the children who would read the story.
She started her story by describing the setting. Next is the characteristics of the characters in the story, she describes Don lupo as rich kind old man. the opening incident of the story when the four kids disobeyed Don lupo’s warning that the sea is dangerous for swimming , the rising action of the story when Roy cast away by the big waves and ana saw Roy was drowning in the sea, the conflict of the story is when Roy is drowning in the sea. The falling action is when the story is when the caretaker saved Roy from drowning, and the four kids realize that they were wrong to disobeyed rules.
The sequence of the story is not organized. He put her conflict in first paragraph. At first she introduces the characters. Don lupo, the kids and the caretaker. The kids want to enjoy their weekend that might be the reason why its title is weekend fun. The author tells how kind, thoughtful and humble Don Lupo is before he puts the conflict in her story after that he introduces the caretaker of Don lupo the one who save Roy from danger. The author end her story by realizing some moral lesson.
As you read her piece she followed the right patter in making her short story from exposition down to conclusion but in the rising action she can’t express it well. Maybe he needs to improve or to know the feeling of the reader in order to have a good rising action that will make the reader more motivated and curious in the story. And the climaxes were not convincing the readers. The author should make it horrible to make the story more exited to read.
Omniscient person mean you are the one telling in the story, while limited you are using HE/SHE , In the story the author is like narrating, she didn’t involve herself in her work maybe the author are good writers when in terms in fairy tales and children’s book. And I can notice that the author likes children so much.
When I read the story, I was shocked because he put her conflict at the beginning; the story has a moral story. but I have check the grammar were wrong and most of her words are unfamiliar that a child can’t understand for example triumphant conqueror, so I suggest to her she should use simple English so that the reader can easily understand her writings specially the children and her conflicts in the story are wrong grammar it should be, Ana saw Roy drowning. And the climax is not appealing to the readers. It looks like the authors easily end the story.
Maybe the story will be appreciated by others, some of the parts of the story needs improvement in writing because it’s hard to understand you should read it 3 times enable to understand, the flow of the story is grammatically incorrect. She should be careful in choosing words in her literary piece, because her story focuses mostly on children. But the whole story is good, I suggest after you write something it should be seen by others first, as writers not all thetime we cannot tell the readers feeling.
Here are some errors in her story, the rising action, climax and the falling action. I let my parents to read his writing and they said that in writing a short story, you should know the interest of the reader; the author should be sensitive on what the reader would tell about your piece. The author has a large vocabulary, she can use a deeper words. It was my first time to encounter those words most of the story I read they use simple English.
In writing a short story the author should insert lots of emotion and emotions and imagination on the beginning of the story I can say that the author is idealistic because he vies the mabini, batangas as almost perfect, she didn’t say negative about the place idealistic.
Every weekend the fishpond is full of laughter, when the children is tired Don Lupo ate together with the children, Don lupo misses his children so much. He said to the children.
“I really miss my grandchildren they were in abroad before they were having vacation heren but now they were teenagers.”
On Don Lupo’s house, Don lupo is enjoying his happy stories. Don Lupo serves special food like fried tilapia, chapseuy, banana, guyabano, and dalandan fruits. The four kids want to enjoy the whole Saturdays; they want to go back near the shore. Roy asks permission to Don lupo but Don lupo said that the sea is dangerous for swimming.
Marie told don Lupo that they want to see the beauty of the sea and they will not attempt to swim nicko insisted, Don Lupo agree and warn the children. All of the sudden Roy was drowning in the sea and cast by the big waves. Ana ran quickly to Don Lupo’s house to ask help. Don Lupo’s commanded his caretaker to saved Roy. Don Lupo commanded his caretaker to save Roy, Finally Roy was saved. The children say thank you to the caretaker and realize that Don Lupo is right after that they pack things and they go home.
She is the one telling the story and she didn’t involve herself in the story. The character is great most of the dialogue doing action and has participation to make the story beautiful even it’s omniscient, the author made the characters alive until the end no sad tragedy endings. The author made Don lupo act as a humble, rich, and old man and the role of the four kids is a hardheaded so she could create a climax. If she made the four kids a good one it will make him hard to her to end the story, as I was saying the short story is direct to the point.
Don lupo’s roleis to give lesson to the four hardheaded kids; I could say that the main characters of the story is Don Lupo. Because he is the one who give fun to the children. Without the role of Don lupo there is no weekend fun. The kids were just paraphernalia to make the story more exited to read. It’s just my opinion but most of them they does an important role. The caretaker also has a great role he is the one who saved Roy from drowning he is the one who make the happy ending, if he didn’t saved Roy the end of the story is tragic. So that’s why he plays an important role.
The four hardheaded kids were also great they are the one having a weekend fun in the story, without them weekend fun is not the title of the story. When I read the story I imagined that they were an ordinary kids with young mind so they need guide and in the reality were stubborn it makes them harm. They put themselves in danger so that’s what happens to Roy in the story, Roy ignores Don Lupo’s warning but in the end he was saved, that’s what the lesson for the children who would read the story.
She started her story by describing the setting. Next is the characteristics of the characters in the story, she describes Don lupo as rich kind old man. the opening incident of the story when the four kids disobeyed Don lupo’s warning that the sea is dangerous for swimming , the rising action of the story when Roy cast away by the big waves and ana saw Roy was drowning in the sea, the conflict of the story is when Roy is drowning in the sea. The falling action is when the story is when the caretaker saved Roy from drowning, and the four kids realize that they were wrong to disobeyed rules.
The sequence of the story is not organized. He put her conflict in first paragraph. At first she introduces the characters. Don lupo, the kids and the caretaker. The kids want to enjoy their weekend that might be the reason why its title is weekend fun. The author tells how kind, thoughtful and humble Don Lupo is before he puts the conflict in her story after that he introduces the caretaker of Don lupo the one who save Roy from danger. The author end her story by realizing some moral lesson.
As you read her piece she followed the right patter in making her short story from exposition down to conclusion but in the rising action she can’t express it well. Maybe he needs to improve or to know the feeling of the reader in order to have a good rising action that will make the reader more motivated and curious in the story. And the climaxes were not convincing the readers. The author should make it horrible to make the story more exited to read.
Omniscient person mean you are the one telling in the story, while limited you are using HE/SHE , In the story the author is like narrating, she didn’t involve herself in her work maybe the author are good writers when in terms in fairy tales and children’s book. And I can notice that the author likes children so much.
When I read the story, I was shocked because he put her conflict at the beginning; the story has a moral story. but I have check the grammar were wrong and most of her words are unfamiliar that a child can’t understand for example triumphant conqueror, so I suggest to her she should use simple English so that the reader can easily understand her writings specially the children and her conflicts in the story are wrong grammar it should be, Ana saw Roy drowning. And the climax is not appealing to the readers. It looks like the authors easily end the story.
Maybe the story will be appreciated by others, some of the parts of the story needs improvement in writing because it’s hard to understand you should read it 3 times enable to understand, the flow of the story is grammatically incorrect. She should be careful in choosing words in her literary piece, because her story focuses mostly on children. But the whole story is good, I suggest after you write something it should be seen by others first, as writers not all thetime we cannot tell the readers feeling.
Here are some errors in her story, the rising action, climax and the falling action. I let my parents to read his writing and they said that in writing a short story, you should know the interest of the reader; the author should be sensitive on what the reader would tell about your piece. The author has a large vocabulary, she can use a deeper words. It was my first time to encounter those words most of the story I read they use simple English.
In writing a short story the author should insert lots of emotion and emotions and imagination on the beginning of the story I can say that the author is idealistic because he vies the mabini, batangas as almost perfect, she didn’t say negative about the place idealistic.
Critique Essay: Why Can't it be? Jamaica E. Collado
The story was about Ellie and his heartbroken experience to a woman named Angela the daughter of his dad’s best friend. Angela was forced to marry the billionaire businessman named Nathan Lucero to save their family business which was in trouble that time.
This was how the story started. in the same restaurant where Ellie was broke up by his ex-girlfriend he saw Angela for the first time, who was crying that time also. While he was stared Angela there is something in her caught her attention that he couldn’t explain what. Though Ellie doesn’t know Angela yet because of curiosity he didn’t hesitate to come over and offered a handkerchief for her to wipe her tears that covers her face which Ellie wanted her to do so that he could see her face. He asked if he could set beside her. Angela just looked at him and goes away. After that incident Ellie did not expect to see her again.
On his father funeral he was surprise because of the fact that Angela was the daughter of his dad’s best friend he wasn’t to know because he was busy managing his restaurant in Global City. Since then he could not erase Angela into her mind and he always wanted to see her so he courted her. Angela accepted him. They were happy and so much in love. They treasure each day of their happy and sweet memories together, Ellie couldn’t ask for more because he was very happy to have Angela and he was praying that they would be together forever or until his last breath.
On day everything seemed to change, Angel has changed specially her attitude towards Ellie. Ellie was wondered so he was asked Angela, he found out that Angela’s family business was in trouble. Upon knowing it he didn’t hesitate to help her. Angela accepted his offer so she worked as a manager in one off his restaurant. She does well in work and Ellie was happy because he could be with Angela every day and in last for two weeks. We was surprised when one day Angela gives her resignation letter including a personal letter for Ellie and a check worth 1.5 million pesos as a payment for his help Angela’s family.
He tried to contact Angela and find her everywhere but she was gone. He was very depressed so he isolates himself. One day his mother delivered him news, there he found out that Angela and Nathan Lucero a billionaire businessman will soon to marry. The whole world of Ellie was collapsed. He was terribly hurt, his dream to be with Angela forever has disappeared and he could no longer think what to do next.
He was standing alone outside the church while he watched his beloved woman together with another man making their vows. He felt the pain as if her heart was squeezed that was the most painful moment in his life. After the weeding to the couple this time he was recovered although the pain was still there. He was ready to let go Angela this time. He greeted the couple and go away.
After two years in the park, they saw each other again. Angela and Nathan have a daughter already while he has his fiancée which he calls “my one great love”.
Character:
The main character in the story was Ellie. The writher describes Ellie’s identity. Based on what I have read she mentioned the name, sex and nationality hence she was not able to give the exact age which lead me to confuse. The writer failed to describe how does the main character looks like which was I think the lack “ingredient” of his identity so I just don’t know if he is handsome or ugly. The dominant impression of the main character is though he failed in love which is beloved girlfriend married to another man to save her family business and cause him so much pain and suffering still he was able to move on and go on with his life. He was not selfish because he respect Angela’s decision even though it was very hard in his part. He was a strong a strong personality with full of courage because she was able to survived even in the darkest park of his life.
The writer gives emphasis on totally of Angela’s character in which she mentions its outside appearance, sex, name but I don’t know the exact age. When it comes to another character the writer just introduce them but without names. The character was involved in external conflict because the conflict started with Ellie’s girlfriend, Angela who changes her attitude towards Ellie. The writer started her story with a climax where she described the present event which was Ellie was watching Angela making vows with another man or the very worst event for Ellie that brought the story into intensifying action. It follows by a flashback, an exposition in which the cause of everything was described including where does Ellie and Angela first meet, what happened when they saw each other again.
The conflict starts with Angela changes her attitude towards Ellie while the rising action begins then Angela resigned in Ellie’s company which added the burden to Ellie and changes course of event. The conflict was emphasized by the rising action where the problem was being action worst. The Climax was an event where Angela finally married to Nathan which Ellie had witnessed. It includes falling action which Ellie finally let go Angela and accepted there reality that they were really not meant for each other. The conclusion takes place when Ellie moves on and found his fiancée and he finally answered hid ultimate question “Why Can’t it be?”
It was the first person narrator or the point of view of the “I” and “me”. The one who talked was the one who experienced that event or the story that was being told was its own story. If the story were told from another point of view there were sure changes first change would be the pronouns, instead of I and me, it will be change to He or She, another is the manner of narrating the events will be change also. Perhaps the writer was being inspired by her own experience that is why she chose this point of view.
I think the writer has a positive outlook in life that in everything happened there was a reason and purpose. She has wide views because based on the story, she had given a difficult scenario but then she was able to give the solution. Perhaps the writer has this characteristic of being a fighter in which “no matter what happened, life must go on”, she can’t beat immediately and problem could never let her down easily.
Though I like the story I felt hang because, I think the story was forcedly ended but then it gives encouragement that when you failed in love it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. Everything is just a trial and there is a reason for everything. I was inspired by Ellie because of his action that he respects Angela’s decision though it hurts. He didn’t take any revenge against his ex-girlfriend though it sounds like he was betrayed and in spite of his effort to help Angela and her family business still he understood where Angela comes from and Ellie consider her feeling. Angela is an example of a weak personality because she took for granted Ellie, why did she go away? Without explaining, Ellie might give her an option to solve her problem.
Angela’s love was not that faithful and pure because she chose to marry another man, she didn’t want to sacrifice that much though she love Ellie. I could relate to the story because some events that make me recall of something. Ellie was not selfish because he sacrifice for Angela’s happiness which justified the saying “love is sacrifice and it is not selfish” as I always heard. In reality the story was happened it might not happen exactly the same but it was related.
In terms of grammar, I have noticed that there were errors. In the first line of the first paragraph instead, of “in front of” she used “at the front of”. There were missing punctuation marks and misused of it as well. I have seen the following errors first, redundant words like in the second line of the second paragraph, the word “her” was over used, few errors in tenses like, instead of “ I brought her home and I went straight to my pad” she used “…….. and I go straight to my pad” which was a past event already but still she used present form of the verb. There was improper use of capitalization as well, in fifth line of the sixth paragraph the word “and” was capitalize which was incorrect it is a conjunction and usually it is usually written in small letter. There were unnecessary words included and missing words as well. I also noticed wrong choices of words which was not suited for the expression that was being described. To sum it up my rate is 89%.
This was how the story started. in the same restaurant where Ellie was broke up by his ex-girlfriend he saw Angela for the first time, who was crying that time also. While he was stared Angela there is something in her caught her attention that he couldn’t explain what. Though Ellie doesn’t know Angela yet because of curiosity he didn’t hesitate to come over and offered a handkerchief for her to wipe her tears that covers her face which Ellie wanted her to do so that he could see her face. He asked if he could set beside her. Angela just looked at him and goes away. After that incident Ellie did not expect to see her again.
On his father funeral he was surprise because of the fact that Angela was the daughter of his dad’s best friend he wasn’t to know because he was busy managing his restaurant in Global City. Since then he could not erase Angela into her mind and he always wanted to see her so he courted her. Angela accepted him. They were happy and so much in love. They treasure each day of their happy and sweet memories together, Ellie couldn’t ask for more because he was very happy to have Angela and he was praying that they would be together forever or until his last breath.
On day everything seemed to change, Angel has changed specially her attitude towards Ellie. Ellie was wondered so he was asked Angela, he found out that Angela’s family business was in trouble. Upon knowing it he didn’t hesitate to help her. Angela accepted his offer so she worked as a manager in one off his restaurant. She does well in work and Ellie was happy because he could be with Angela every day and in last for two weeks. We was surprised when one day Angela gives her resignation letter including a personal letter for Ellie and a check worth 1.5 million pesos as a payment for his help Angela’s family.
He tried to contact Angela and find her everywhere but she was gone. He was very depressed so he isolates himself. One day his mother delivered him news, there he found out that Angela and Nathan Lucero a billionaire businessman will soon to marry. The whole world of Ellie was collapsed. He was terribly hurt, his dream to be with Angela forever has disappeared and he could no longer think what to do next.
He was standing alone outside the church while he watched his beloved woman together with another man making their vows. He felt the pain as if her heart was squeezed that was the most painful moment in his life. After the weeding to the couple this time he was recovered although the pain was still there. He was ready to let go Angela this time. He greeted the couple and go away.
After two years in the park, they saw each other again. Angela and Nathan have a daughter already while he has his fiancée which he calls “my one great love”.
Character:
The main character in the story was Ellie. The writher describes Ellie’s identity. Based on what I have read she mentioned the name, sex and nationality hence she was not able to give the exact age which lead me to confuse. The writer failed to describe how does the main character looks like which was I think the lack “ingredient” of his identity so I just don’t know if he is handsome or ugly. The dominant impression of the main character is though he failed in love which is beloved girlfriend married to another man to save her family business and cause him so much pain and suffering still he was able to move on and go on with his life. He was not selfish because he respect Angela’s decision even though it was very hard in his part. He was a strong a strong personality with full of courage because she was able to survived even in the darkest park of his life.
The writer gives emphasis on totally of Angela’s character in which she mentions its outside appearance, sex, name but I don’t know the exact age. When it comes to another character the writer just introduce them but without names. The character was involved in external conflict because the conflict started with Ellie’s girlfriend, Angela who changes her attitude towards Ellie. The writer started her story with a climax where she described the present event which was Ellie was watching Angela making vows with another man or the very worst event for Ellie that brought the story into intensifying action. It follows by a flashback, an exposition in which the cause of everything was described including where does Ellie and Angela first meet, what happened when they saw each other again.
The conflict starts with Angela changes her attitude towards Ellie while the rising action begins then Angela resigned in Ellie’s company which added the burden to Ellie and changes course of event. The conflict was emphasized by the rising action where the problem was being action worst. The Climax was an event where Angela finally married to Nathan which Ellie had witnessed. It includes falling action which Ellie finally let go Angela and accepted there reality that they were really not meant for each other. The conclusion takes place when Ellie moves on and found his fiancée and he finally answered hid ultimate question “Why Can’t it be?”
It was the first person narrator or the point of view of the “I” and “me”. The one who talked was the one who experienced that event or the story that was being told was its own story. If the story were told from another point of view there were sure changes first change would be the pronouns, instead of I and me, it will be change to He or She, another is the manner of narrating the events will be change also. Perhaps the writer was being inspired by her own experience that is why she chose this point of view.
I think the writer has a positive outlook in life that in everything happened there was a reason and purpose. She has wide views because based on the story, she had given a difficult scenario but then she was able to give the solution. Perhaps the writer has this characteristic of being a fighter in which “no matter what happened, life must go on”, she can’t beat immediately and problem could never let her down easily.
Though I like the story I felt hang because, I think the story was forcedly ended but then it gives encouragement that when you failed in love it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. Everything is just a trial and there is a reason for everything. I was inspired by Ellie because of his action that he respects Angela’s decision though it hurts. He didn’t take any revenge against his ex-girlfriend though it sounds like he was betrayed and in spite of his effort to help Angela and her family business still he understood where Angela comes from and Ellie consider her feeling. Angela is an example of a weak personality because she took for granted Ellie, why did she go away? Without explaining, Ellie might give her an option to solve her problem.
Angela’s love was not that faithful and pure because she chose to marry another man, she didn’t want to sacrifice that much though she love Ellie. I could relate to the story because some events that make me recall of something. Ellie was not selfish because he sacrifice for Angela’s happiness which justified the saying “love is sacrifice and it is not selfish” as I always heard. In reality the story was happened it might not happen exactly the same but it was related.
In terms of grammar, I have noticed that there were errors. In the first line of the first paragraph instead, of “in front of” she used “at the front of”. There were missing punctuation marks and misused of it as well. I have seen the following errors first, redundant words like in the second line of the second paragraph, the word “her” was over used, few errors in tenses like, instead of “ I brought her home and I went straight to my pad” she used “…….. and I go straight to my pad” which was a past event already but still she used present form of the verb. There was improper use of capitalization as well, in fifth line of the sixth paragraph the word “and” was capitalize which was incorrect it is a conjunction and usually it is usually written in small letter. There were unnecessary words included and missing words as well. I also noticed wrong choices of words which was not suited for the expression that was being described. To sum it up my rate is 89%.
Critique Essay by Maria Kasiah P. Dejumo
In this story, Leila is a girl that have a lots of dreams and she’s a kind of a girl that have a strong personality and have a fighting spirit. All she wants is to achieved her goals that she set on her life that’s why she do some things that can helped her to become a educated person. The day was comes. The father of Leila talk her. Her father told to her that she should marry artulfo because her father thought that if she will marry artulfo their life’s become wealthy and not a miserable. Leila agreed on what her father told to her. Because if she will not agree on what father what says to her she will disown by him, she would stay away from her family if she did it. The wedding comes. When Leila at the front of the priest she asked if she will marry that man which is artulfo. She thinks a lot if she will marry artulfo and she thought and asking her self that if that guy will hurt her. And what if that man makes her slave. She thinks a hundred times maybe a thousand times. She thinks if she will be a runaway bride and she did, she became a runaway bride. She runs so fast and without nowhere to go. And after that day she went to her friend named of shame. She asking for help and she lived for a mean time to her friend. Leila took a business administration major in management and she graduated as a “Magna Cum Laude” and she joined also a beauty pageant and that money that she will get from it she used it to start a small business and she became a queen on that pageant. To start a new life and a wealthy life. But also by the grace of the lord. Leila was succeed of what she wants to achieved in her life, and she was not wrong because by the helped of god and her friend she build a 16 branches as her business. And after a long time she was decide to visit her family she wants to know if her family is okay. But she was wrong her family was suffered from poverty and her father was getting sicked. Her mother work at the artulfo’s family without a payment because they had a lot of debt on that family. So she decide to sell her few of her business to get her family to artulfo’s family. And artulfo heared of what Leila did. And the arrival of Leila, artulfo tried to stop her to go in the Philippines. He also planned to kidnap and rape Leila. Because he want to feel Leila what she did to him. and her brother left also their family too. And he left by his girlfriend. And her brother he got wild and cursed he cursed your father too. He hated his father a lot and he will suffered too.
The main character on that story is Leila she’s a kind of girl that have a positive thingking and point of view in her life. She is a very strong person she faced all the problems that she’d encountered in her life. She can lived and stand by her own two feet. And she’s a not-stoppable dreamer. And she believe that she can reach her dreams. What ever happened because she believe that there is no impossible dream. And when she talked had a sense and she talked by being her as educated. Her weakness is her family.Second is artulfo he is a kind of person who’s selfish he is a son of a richest business man in china. He Is a man who can do everything that he wants to achieved. And he can use his money to do everything. And his weakness if his wants to achieve not succeed especially what Leila did to him. The third is shamcey she is the friend of Leila. Shamcey is a very helpful person she is a kind of person that willing to helped if there’s someone needs a her helped. Next is the family of Leila. Her family is the one who forced to marry artulfo. And her family is all they want is to have a wealthy life. To did not they feel the essence of the poverty. And last is the family of artulfo the richest businessman in china. The one who consisted their son to do everything that they son wants. I think their weakness is there son which is artulfo. The family and friends should be brought and there on that story because they are the one who give enlightenment on that story and they are the one who letting putting them down the main character. And also the friends it should be there too. Because they are the one who could help their friend in times of problems and if their friend need a someone to lean on. Someone who could understand of what she/he felt because they are the one who can comfort their friend. Or comfort her friend. The main character on that story is Lelia, who’s a positive person and non-stoppable dreamer person. And all she wanted is to achieved her ambition in her life and to be a successful person. And she want to prove to her family that she can stand by her own two feet and she can lived without them and without helping by them. And she believed she can reach her dreams and goals that she set on her life. The characters that mentioned already especially the main character they faced all the problems that they’ve been encountered in their life. And some of the characters are the reason and the one who letting putting down the main character in that story. And lots of trials, challenges. And in that story only give a short information regarding on that particular story from the main character up to the other character. The father of the main character which is Lelia is the one who force lelia to marry artulfo. That lelia doesn’t love that man. And then the conflict of that story was started when her father was forcing her daughter to marry artulfo because he believe that if lelia marry artulfo their life will not be miserable and their life become a wealthy. And the time heals. Lelia forgive her family especially her family after what she did to her. And Lelia was decided to sell her some branches of her business in the Philippines to get only her family. And when artulfo heared that news about the arrival of Lelia. And his thingking if his going to kidnap lelia. And lelia told to herself that she should be forgive her family because her family is always wanted the best for her so she should not get angry with them even sometimes it seems that they are already holding us on our neck.
The conflict was resolved they are talking and have a conversation for order for us they can easily to understand what they truly to mean it. And what they are truly feel for order for us also to feel what they want to feel. I already understand the story when they are talked and had a conversation and had an enlightenment. The narrator of that story it was the author the one who wrote the story. The three basic point of view of the the narrator it was the first when the father of the main character was forcing to marry the man that his daughter doesn’t love the man. The second is when Lelia asked the priest if she agree to marry the man and when she become a runaway bride. The third is when she forgive her family especially her father after what did to her instead to make her badly and angrily to them she considered and think that her family wants to make her have a wealthy life to be able she can achieved her goals and dreams in her life. I knew it because it tells on that story already. The already facts, and what truly happened on that story and they are already mentioned it before and after also. Maybe if it would the point of view changed there is more excitement, more thrills and lots of happening that should be happened on that story.
I think why he choose it because for him it is the best for him and he can give a justice and truly meaning on what story that he was written. I criticized the story of the author it was so deep. He used A some words that the readers will be excited to read his story. And maybe he used it because he can express his Ideas and he can give a justice for that on that particular story that he was written. And he can give a true meaning of that story, maybe he feel it when he wrote it and maybe he also imagining what he should write for order for him the reader like his story that he made. I’m satisfied on his story and his so great to do this kind of his story. I learned a lot on his story because it tells that we should dream and dream and a non-stoppable a dreamer person because if we are a dreamer we can achieved our ambitions and goals that we have set for our life. Because there is no impossible dream. And if we encountered a problem face it, we cannot run away to our problems we should faced it. And face the reality. And for our family it should be not too much so ambitious there’s no something wrong with that if all that we wanted is for the own good of the children or your daughter/son. And for the children we should not hated our parents even though they do good either bad things because still they are parents they are our family they are the one who brought as in this world. And our parents always wanted best for us we should not get angry with them even sometimes it seems that they are holding us on our necks. I suggest that it should be have a dialogue for order the reader of the story know who’s talking.
That’s it. The story is so great!
The main character on that story is Leila she’s a kind of girl that have a positive thingking and point of view in her life. She is a very strong person she faced all the problems that she’d encountered in her life. She can lived and stand by her own two feet. And she’s a not-stoppable dreamer. And she believe that she can reach her dreams. What ever happened because she believe that there is no impossible dream. And when she talked had a sense and she talked by being her as educated. Her weakness is her family.Second is artulfo he is a kind of person who’s selfish he is a son of a richest business man in china. He Is a man who can do everything that he wants to achieved. And he can use his money to do everything. And his weakness if his wants to achieve not succeed especially what Leila did to him. The third is shamcey she is the friend of Leila. Shamcey is a very helpful person she is a kind of person that willing to helped if there’s someone needs a her helped. Next is the family of Leila. Her family is the one who forced to marry artulfo. And her family is all they want is to have a wealthy life. To did not they feel the essence of the poverty. And last is the family of artulfo the richest businessman in china. The one who consisted their son to do everything that they son wants. I think their weakness is there son which is artulfo. The family and friends should be brought and there on that story because they are the one who give enlightenment on that story and they are the one who letting putting them down the main character. And also the friends it should be there too. Because they are the one who could help their friend in times of problems and if their friend need a someone to lean on. Someone who could understand of what she/he felt because they are the one who can comfort their friend. Or comfort her friend. The main character on that story is Lelia, who’s a positive person and non-stoppable dreamer person. And all she wanted is to achieved her ambition in her life and to be a successful person. And she want to prove to her family that she can stand by her own two feet and she can lived without them and without helping by them. And she believed she can reach her dreams and goals that she set on her life. The characters that mentioned already especially the main character they faced all the problems that they’ve been encountered in their life. And some of the characters are the reason and the one who letting putting down the main character in that story. And lots of trials, challenges. And in that story only give a short information regarding on that particular story from the main character up to the other character. The father of the main character which is Lelia is the one who force lelia to marry artulfo. That lelia doesn’t love that man. And then the conflict of that story was started when her father was forcing her daughter to marry artulfo because he believe that if lelia marry artulfo their life will not be miserable and their life become a wealthy. And the time heals. Lelia forgive her family especially her family after what she did to her. And Lelia was decided to sell her some branches of her business in the Philippines to get only her family. And when artulfo heared that news about the arrival of Lelia. And his thingking if his going to kidnap lelia. And lelia told to herself that she should be forgive her family because her family is always wanted the best for her so she should not get angry with them even sometimes it seems that they are already holding us on our neck.
The conflict was resolved they are talking and have a conversation for order for us they can easily to understand what they truly to mean it. And what they are truly feel for order for us also to feel what they want to feel. I already understand the story when they are talked and had a conversation and had an enlightenment. The narrator of that story it was the author the one who wrote the story. The three basic point of view of the the narrator it was the first when the father of the main character was forcing to marry the man that his daughter doesn’t love the man. The second is when Lelia asked the priest if she agree to marry the man and when she become a runaway bride. The third is when she forgive her family especially her father after what did to her instead to make her badly and angrily to them she considered and think that her family wants to make her have a wealthy life to be able she can achieved her goals and dreams in her life. I knew it because it tells on that story already. The already facts, and what truly happened on that story and they are already mentioned it before and after also. Maybe if it would the point of view changed there is more excitement, more thrills and lots of happening that should be happened on that story.
I think why he choose it because for him it is the best for him and he can give a justice and truly meaning on what story that he was written. I criticized the story of the author it was so deep. He used A some words that the readers will be excited to read his story. And maybe he used it because he can express his Ideas and he can give a justice for that on that particular story that he was written. And he can give a true meaning of that story, maybe he feel it when he wrote it and maybe he also imagining what he should write for order for him the reader like his story that he made. I’m satisfied on his story and his so great to do this kind of his story. I learned a lot on his story because it tells that we should dream and dream and a non-stoppable a dreamer person because if we are a dreamer we can achieved our ambitions and goals that we have set for our life. Because there is no impossible dream. And if we encountered a problem face it, we cannot run away to our problems we should faced it. And face the reality. And for our family it should be not too much so ambitious there’s no something wrong with that if all that we wanted is for the own good of the children or your daughter/son. And for the children we should not hated our parents even though they do good either bad things because still they are parents they are our family they are the one who brought as in this world. And our parents always wanted best for us we should not get angry with them even sometimes it seems that they are holding us on our necks. I suggest that it should be have a dialogue for order the reader of the story know who’s talking.
That’s it. The story is so great!
The tinge of Cyan (Critique Essay) Madelene Diozon
Summary:
Zeke was a husband of Judy and a loving father of Anthony. Their family was in there house since Zeke suffered in cancer. Then Judy went to the kitchen to watched her husband outside the clear glass of their door, she knew that it was the reality that they accepted when you have a cancer maybe you are to die or have a long life to live but the case of Zeke it was the end. Anthony a five year old son of Zeke and Judy asked a question to his mother why his dad is outside the house and sat at the pool alone. Judy said that his father don’t want to bothered anyone of them. Suddenly Anthony decided to go out to play. And Judy continues to watch her husband outside.
Finally the pain of the cancer attacked Zeke, he felt very hard so he falling down to his knees and Judy ran as fast as she can then the tears fall down to his eyes. She said that don’t given up in this moment because she not all ready accept if he died without do anything but Zeke told that it is the end. And he started to say the things like he loved his wife because she accepted everything even the cancer so until the end his wife was there beside him to love, care and encouraged him to be strong not only to him but to their son and he marry Judy because she love for the rest of their life.
An hour later when they have a conversation they heard a voice coming to their son Anthony at the backyard. Zeke wanted to help his son but he cannot do it anymore, and then he said to Judy that she go to helped their son because he knew it was hurt. And Judy went to save Anthony to the rock hanging to stock on his son. Then she pull and tried to grabbed the hands of Anthony, and they did it, she save her son to death. And the accident was solved by helping each other. They went to their father and they saw that Zeke wasn’t give up any more, Judy smiled and she said
“If the tinge of cyan would remain in the ocean below the rock of his feet he stands with strength and not falls down as he can”
Characters:
Zeke was the husband of Judy, they have a son named Anthony a five year old boy. And they lived at a beautiful house that the sunlight focused their personality as a family. His wife was a loving mother and a partner against the problem that they encountered. Zeke was strong men that fight to his cancer, he loved his wife because she was the one who accepted everything about Zeke even the cancer. This cancer makes the family weak but it could be strength because even if there was a case like this they don’t forget to trust each other and believe that it could be all right.
The main character who was Zeke speak as a strong men to his family, he had a hope, strength and a loving words and phrases that he told to the story. And also a encouragement to did everything about it. They look like house that has a strong foundation until the end of their life, they always love each other. It could helped the story pull of hope. Although the story have an excite scene to read and surprises.
The characters must have a good impression to make the reader touched the heart and emotions that helped the readers understand it while reading. If I am the writer I would give something that makes the reader catch their interest and attention in the story. The story of the “Tinge of cyan” do not have any friends because it focus in the family and the problem that they want to solved so that they actually brought in the story.
Plot:
The given information was clearly telling the story of what the scene was started and the characters did in the story. It was the incident sets in the main character to the other character that makes them a complete family in their house. The conflict was highly intensity when the time that the main character has a difficult time to his problem. And after that moment the other character whose the son is in danger, they come up with it with full of strength and hope. It raise up to the end of the story.
The climax of the story makes the reader understand the meaning of life and if the other problem comes what are they going to do so the events make the story be
Zeke was a husband of Judy and a loving father of Anthony. Their family was in there house since Zeke suffered in cancer. Then Judy went to the kitchen to watched her husband outside the clear glass of their door, she knew that it was the reality that they accepted when you have a cancer maybe you are to die or have a long life to live but the case of Zeke it was the end. Anthony a five year old son of Zeke and Judy asked a question to his mother why his dad is outside the house and sat at the pool alone. Judy said that his father don’t want to bothered anyone of them. Suddenly Anthony decided to go out to play. And Judy continues to watch her husband outside.
Finally the pain of the cancer attacked Zeke, he felt very hard so he falling down to his knees and Judy ran as fast as she can then the tears fall down to his eyes. She said that don’t given up in this moment because she not all ready accept if he died without do anything but Zeke told that it is the end. And he started to say the things like he loved his wife because she accepted everything even the cancer so until the end his wife was there beside him to love, care and encouraged him to be strong not only to him but to their son and he marry Judy because she love for the rest of their life.
An hour later when they have a conversation they heard a voice coming to their son Anthony at the backyard. Zeke wanted to help his son but he cannot do it anymore, and then he said to Judy that she go to helped their son because he knew it was hurt. And Judy went to save Anthony to the rock hanging to stock on his son. Then she pull and tried to grabbed the hands of Anthony, and they did it, she save her son to death. And the accident was solved by helping each other. They went to their father and they saw that Zeke wasn’t give up any more, Judy smiled and she said
“If the tinge of cyan would remain in the ocean below the rock of his feet he stands with strength and not falls down as he can”
Characters:
Zeke was the husband of Judy, they have a son named Anthony a five year old boy. And they lived at a beautiful house that the sunlight focused their personality as a family. His wife was a loving mother and a partner against the problem that they encountered. Zeke was strong men that fight to his cancer, he loved his wife because she was the one who accepted everything about Zeke even the cancer. This cancer makes the family weak but it could be strength because even if there was a case like this they don’t forget to trust each other and believe that it could be all right.
The main character who was Zeke speak as a strong men to his family, he had a hope, strength and a loving words and phrases that he told to the story. And also a encouragement to did everything about it. They look like house that has a strong foundation until the end of their life, they always love each other. It could helped the story pull of hope. Although the story have an excite scene to read and surprises.
The characters must have a good impression to make the reader touched the heart and emotions that helped the readers understand it while reading. If I am the writer I would give something that makes the reader catch their interest and attention in the story. The story of the “Tinge of cyan” do not have any friends because it focus in the family and the problem that they want to solved so that they actually brought in the story.
Plot:
The given information was clearly telling the story of what the scene was started and the characters did in the story. It was the incident sets in the main character to the other character that makes them a complete family in their house. The conflict was highly intensity when the time that the main character has a difficult time to his problem. And after that moment the other character whose the son is in danger, they come up with it with full of strength and hope. It raise up to the end of the story.
The climax of the story makes the reader understand the meaning of life and if the other problem comes what are they going to do so the events make the story be
Faith (Critique Essay) by: Mary Grace Sapungay
Faith
Criticized by: Mary Grace Sapungay
There was a girl named Yufa. She is a Christian. When she entered school, She met a guy named Roan who is a muslim. Roan is a funny person and this is the reason why they became friends even the fact that they both have different beliefs in life when it come to religion. Their companionship and friendship goes deeper. Roan always bring home Yufa using his motorcycle. After a few months, they became lovers. Their endearment is “mhine”
They both knew that their family will won’t agree with their relationship because of their religion. But their faith is strong that they believed there is only one God and their religions not a hindrance for them.
Few months later, they decided to live together without their parents permission.
They worked hard because they both knew that there will be a time that they
Would become parents and they don’t want their children to have a miserable life. They are also hoping that someday in the future, their parents can accept the both of them. After a couple of years, their wish came true. Their parents accepted Yufa and Roan’s relationship and because of that, they had decided to act married. There wedding ceremony was celebrated in both Christian and muslim way to respect each family culture. Sometime ,Yufa feels bothered because of the fact that muslim males are allowed to have more than one wife. She thinks, what if his husband will do the same thing. But Roan always comfort and assure her that he will be loyal to her until forever because he loved her so much. Yufa feels so happy and lucky to have Roan in her life and after sometime, they had their first baby.They named the baby ‘Jamirah’. Roan and Rufa were so happy because even there is a big conflict on there relationship, they still make it successful and happy.
The main character is Yuan. She is a girl who is a Christian that was in loved with a muslim guy. She was enrolled in a school where there she met Roan Yufa is a loving and caring person. Yufa always show love to Roan, she always show that she is strong even there is a conflict. She even fought for their relationship.
Roan is a muslim. He is a kind and funny person. He loved Yufa so much, that even they have different religion, he still show how much he love Yufa.
Yufa and Roan’s family are both religious. Because they know that their child is having a relationship with someone who has a different beliefs and culture from their religion so they didn’t agree on it. But because they love their children, at the end they accepted them.
The main characters in the story are Yufa and Roan. The dominant impression that they had created in the story were pure love caring and strong personality because at the end, they succeed their relationship. they made their relationship happy.
The conflict is both internal and external. External because at first, their family aren’t agree with their relationship. They are against with it. It is also an internal conflict because Yufa sometimes think what if Roan marries other women? it is because polygamy is accepted in their belief. Other characters like their family relate to the conflict by accepting the relationship of Roan and Yufa.
The conclusion resolved the conflict by the acceptance of the both parties.
The narrator is the author and was represented because the writer used “he” and “she” and she is cannot be seen into the character’s mind.- it is a limited third person.
The author chose this point of view maybe because she wanted to give the reader more information and she wanted the reader to feel the tone of the story.
I am happy with the story. Because it shows that love is really mysterious. If you are in love, you can actually do even impossible things. We are willing to fight for it is wrong and is different from your beliefs, principles in life and culture. Here in the story, it shows that even our religion will not be a hindrance for those people who are really in loved. Its just a matter of strong faith, and love in order for you to make the relationship last.
I can relate my life to the story because like Yufa, I was before in love with someone who has a different religion with mine. I so pity my self because I wasn’t able to fight for our love. I gave him up because I thought, God can give me more perfect guy than the one I’d loved. I broke up with him even the fact that I knew he will de hurt. I kept myself away from him and even tried to hate him, for me to forget everything about us. But at the end of the day, I was more hurt because I realized that I was just fooling myself. If only I fought for him, maybe I am already happy this time because I know that he will love me whatever and whoever I am. I might be also as happy as Yufa.
I rate the story 85% because we all know that a short story is a series of an imaginary events. Its most important aspects are character, plot, point of view and dialogue. The story doesn’t have a dialogue or a conversation between the characters in the story. The story was nice but because dialogue is lacking, I cant really feel and I cant give my sympathy to the characters. For me, it seems like a summary of the real story.
I wasn’t contented with the grammar of it because there are instances that the author uses small letters for the nouns Yufa and Roan. The same thing with the organization of ideas because the writer didn’t give more on how old the main characters are, where did it happen, as if the writer just summarized the the story. Although of course, I know that she is the one who made it. About the structure of sentences, I think the writer should not start a sentence by “and”. It is better that for example, in the sentences “and after a couple of years, they got married. “, “and one day, they decided to live together”. Its better to do this way, “after a couple of years,” “one day….”. the writer has only one paragraph.
I strongly suggest the writer to study the parts of a short story. It is important that a short story has the stages like exposition, which includes the characters and places, establishing a point of view and fills in background information. The opening incident which creates the conflict and gets the plot going. The rising action which presents the incidents or insights that intensifies the conflict. Fourth is the climax which raises the conflict to maximum intensity and the last is the conclusion which resolves the conflict. I also suggest the writer to always put a dialogue in writing a short story. Because dialogue in a short story gives an insight to the reader what is the personality of the character, and the background of the people who are speaking. By this, the readers can understand the characters’ attitudes and feelings. The writer should also use stylistic choices if she wants to emphasize ideas or express feelings in special or dramatic ways like using the figures of speech.
Criticized by: Mary Grace Sapungay
There was a girl named Yufa. She is a Christian. When she entered school, She met a guy named Roan who is a muslim. Roan is a funny person and this is the reason why they became friends even the fact that they both have different beliefs in life when it come to religion. Their companionship and friendship goes deeper. Roan always bring home Yufa using his motorcycle. After a few months, they became lovers. Their endearment is “mhine”
They both knew that their family will won’t agree with their relationship because of their religion. But their faith is strong that they believed there is only one God and their religions not a hindrance for them.
Few months later, they decided to live together without their parents permission.
They worked hard because they both knew that there will be a time that they
Would become parents and they don’t want their children to have a miserable life. They are also hoping that someday in the future, their parents can accept the both of them. After a couple of years, their wish came true. Their parents accepted Yufa and Roan’s relationship and because of that, they had decided to act married. There wedding ceremony was celebrated in both Christian and muslim way to respect each family culture. Sometime ,Yufa feels bothered because of the fact that muslim males are allowed to have more than one wife. She thinks, what if his husband will do the same thing. But Roan always comfort and assure her that he will be loyal to her until forever because he loved her so much. Yufa feels so happy and lucky to have Roan in her life and after sometime, they had their first baby.They named the baby ‘Jamirah’. Roan and Rufa were so happy because even there is a big conflict on there relationship, they still make it successful and happy.
The main character is Yuan. She is a girl who is a Christian that was in loved with a muslim guy. She was enrolled in a school where there she met Roan Yufa is a loving and caring person. Yufa always show love to Roan, she always show that she is strong even there is a conflict. She even fought for their relationship.
Roan is a muslim. He is a kind and funny person. He loved Yufa so much, that even they have different religion, he still show how much he love Yufa.
Yufa and Roan’s family are both religious. Because they know that their child is having a relationship with someone who has a different beliefs and culture from their religion so they didn’t agree on it. But because they love their children, at the end they accepted them.
The main characters in the story are Yufa and Roan. The dominant impression that they had created in the story were pure love caring and strong personality because at the end, they succeed their relationship. they made their relationship happy.
The conflict is both internal and external. External because at first, their family aren’t agree with their relationship. They are against with it. It is also an internal conflict because Yufa sometimes think what if Roan marries other women? it is because polygamy is accepted in their belief. Other characters like their family relate to the conflict by accepting the relationship of Roan and Yufa.
The conclusion resolved the conflict by the acceptance of the both parties.
The narrator is the author and was represented because the writer used “he” and “she” and she is cannot be seen into the character’s mind.- it is a limited third person.
The author chose this point of view maybe because she wanted to give the reader more information and she wanted the reader to feel the tone of the story.
I am happy with the story. Because it shows that love is really mysterious. If you are in love, you can actually do even impossible things. We are willing to fight for it is wrong and is different from your beliefs, principles in life and culture. Here in the story, it shows that even our religion will not be a hindrance for those people who are really in loved. Its just a matter of strong faith, and love in order for you to make the relationship last.
I can relate my life to the story because like Yufa, I was before in love with someone who has a different religion with mine. I so pity my self because I wasn’t able to fight for our love. I gave him up because I thought, God can give me more perfect guy than the one I’d loved. I broke up with him even the fact that I knew he will de hurt. I kept myself away from him and even tried to hate him, for me to forget everything about us. But at the end of the day, I was more hurt because I realized that I was just fooling myself. If only I fought for him, maybe I am already happy this time because I know that he will love me whatever and whoever I am. I might be also as happy as Yufa.
I rate the story 85% because we all know that a short story is a series of an imaginary events. Its most important aspects are character, plot, point of view and dialogue. The story doesn’t have a dialogue or a conversation between the characters in the story. The story was nice but because dialogue is lacking, I cant really feel and I cant give my sympathy to the characters. For me, it seems like a summary of the real story.
I wasn’t contented with the grammar of it because there are instances that the author uses small letters for the nouns Yufa and Roan. The same thing with the organization of ideas because the writer didn’t give more on how old the main characters are, where did it happen, as if the writer just summarized the the story. Although of course, I know that she is the one who made it. About the structure of sentences, I think the writer should not start a sentence by “and”. It is better that for example, in the sentences “and after a couple of years, they got married. “, “and one day, they decided to live together”. Its better to do this way, “after a couple of years,” “one day….”. the writer has only one paragraph.
I strongly suggest the writer to study the parts of a short story. It is important that a short story has the stages like exposition, which includes the characters and places, establishing a point of view and fills in background information. The opening incident which creates the conflict and gets the plot going. The rising action which presents the incidents or insights that intensifies the conflict. Fourth is the climax which raises the conflict to maximum intensity and the last is the conclusion which resolves the conflict. I also suggest the writer to always put a dialogue in writing a short story. Because dialogue in a short story gives an insight to the reader what is the personality of the character, and the background of the people who are speaking. By this, the readers can understand the characters’ attitudes and feelings. The writer should also use stylistic choices if she wants to emphasize ideas or express feelings in special or dramatic ways like using the figures of speech.